Today, for a lack of better fitting words, was magical.
It started with my friend Lindsay inviting me and Bella to join her at a pet blessing. Thinking about how much time and energy I have been putting into my own spiritual journey, it only seemed fitting I would encourage hers too! The blessing was at the Center For Spirituality in Fort Lauderdale, which is a nondemominational church that supports all religions and lifestyles. There was a woman there who practices reiki and she even took a few minutes to do her enegry work with each of the pets that was there (I’d say dogs, but one lady brought her mouse!!! 😁)
Afterwards, we took our dogs to Yellow Green Farmers Market and did a little shopping and planned to meet up later tonight for Full Moon Yoga – it was postponed yesterday because of the weather.
Since it looked a lot more clear than last night, we decided to head to beach, but didn’t realize until we were already there that the class was unfortunately cancelled again. The sand was wet and the wind was blowing hard, but we had yoga to practice and a full moon to celebrate! So we stayed.
Lindsay and I set up our towels and blankets and got in some light yoga, when our other friend, Barbra arrived! She didn’t think she would make it, and didn’t know it had been cancelled either, but she and her boyfriend, Dylan, also decided to stay.
They set up their towels with our blankets and the 4 of us decided to beave the winds and stay for the moon. There are few things I love more than being in a group, or small group, of people where everyone is individually being themselves, together, & that’s how it felt tonight.
Watching her was so inspiring. She is the definition of a free spirit and I couldn’t help but watch and think what I often think when I spend time with her, “I want to live more like Lindsay.”
I don’t normally go underwater, since I like to keep my hair bright colors and the salt water fades it. I also was prone to ear infections as a kid, so I am weary of going under and getting that same pain I felt, so many summers. But watching her reminded me of my childhood. When we’d have hurricanes, my moms friend would take us down to the beach and we’d jump in the waves. It was so fun, so freeing, so exhilarating… and in the early 90s before everyone became a child safety officer lol
I enjoyed watching Lindsay, but I wanted to join her. I decided to jump in myself.
For the better part of an hour, we played in the ocean. By now the sun had already set, but the moon wasn’t visible because of all the clouds. The sky was black and the ocean roaring. Waves crashed, one after another. We jumped with them, we dove in them, we ran through them. On at least 2 occasions the wave didn’t break before it hit me, and what felt like a wall slammed into my chest and knocked me over, nearly knocking the wind out of me as well.
This was more than play, though. To me, it felt like trust. It was so dark and with no glasses on (I’m very near sighted) if a shark or sea creature wanted to swim up on me, I’d never know. The waves and undertow were strong, I’m sure someone could’ve been pulled under and drowned. But I decided to trust. To trust my body was strong enough and to trust the universe (god, source, or whatever you’re comfortable with) would take care of me and keep me safe.
Playing with the waves also felt like surrendering. When you give so much trust to the universe, it’s also kind of like saying “take me, if you must.” Not like I was wanting to or worried about dying or anything, but the logical part of your brain knows there is some risk, but the trust comes into play when you know that the universe will not do that to you. It felt like saying “let me show you that I believe in you.” A physical display of faith.
As the waves crashed on me, many of them knocked me over completely. As I would see the wave rolling in, I would start to say things like “i release every last bit of shame” or “I release every ounce of pain left in me.” Something about setting such a powerful intention, under a full moon (even if you can’t see it, I could feel it) and feeling that crash of the wave against my body…. fucking exhilarating.
When I do take the full moon yoga class, the teacher often reminds us to take in the moon and the ocean and all of the glory that is around us and to remember that the same force that created it, also created us. This thought came to my mind, as I recognized how powerful the ocean is…. and realized I am equally as powerful.
Finally, the moon rose above the clouds and we got our first glimpse of her. Gorgeous, powerful, and bright.
I do realize I sound more like a crazy hippy as the days go by… and I am ok with that. I also feel more happy and content and blissful as the days go by… sounding weird to be average person is a small price to pay for such a gift ☺️
Right now, I am lying on a beach, wrapped in a towel and basking under Mama Moon’s glory, while I blog from the Word Press app. My friend is by my side, meditating and soaking it up and I feel 1000% at peace. Like, if someone told me there is world peace right now, I could believe them. To think only a few years ago I’d look up at this same sky and beg for answers as to why I have to be alive, is just mind blowing to me.
I was as depressed as they come. As self harming as they come. With as little self respect as they come. Misery was my middle name. But about 5 years ago, I decided to take control. To start living life for real. To start treating my body like I have a fuck (see BigGirlFitGirl.com) and with the physical changes, the mental ones just unfolded naturally. When the student is ready, the teacher shows up. & that’s exactly what happened to me. Whether it be a literal teacher or mentor, Lindsay, the amazing Heather from Mount Shasta, my old life coach Ashley, or whoever- the lessons I am needing to learn just keep unfolding perfectly and naturally. I feel so grateful. I feel so blessed. And most importantly, I feel so worthy of it all. This feels like my time.
If you’d like to add some more positivity to your daily life, also feel free to visit @affirmationStation on Instagram!
Also- I did go to that Buddhism meeting on Wednesday! I am meeting again next week and will blog an update soon 🙂